Generosity or Stupidity?

He was there but he really wasn’t, as usual. When he finally came to due to a sharp curve in the road, he realized that the old taxi driver was still at it. The general theme was the same, the hardships of life and how his were greater than any other seen. Again and again he was coming back to the story where his buddy didn’t lend him 1500 Pkr due to which his polio-effected-daughter was unable to give her final year examinations. The rumbling went on and on to the point where it was impossible to ignore it. He thought about giving the man the amount of money he needed but his heard didn’t agree to it, it cannot be that simple. What if the man was playing him? Afterall that is the kind of world we live in. But that hardly mattered right? The thing that mattered was his own intention.

He was tired to talking indirectly, when will people see that when he talked about removing the stupid people in their life, he was talking about himself, ALWAYS!

Happy Father’s Day?

It has been a week, well almost a week since the last Father’s Day. Frankly speaking he didn’t even know about it but thanks to Facebook now one literally doesn’t need to remember anything.

So why he didn’t, he asked himself. He had plenty of opportunities at Suhaoor and Iftar, not to mention text messages. He thought about it countless times during the day but realized it just wasn’t worth it. Now naturally you would ask why so? He knew that he didn’t have many years – it was safe to assume that his lungs have been utterly destroyed by all that smoking and death would come swiftly, the same way it came for his father (my grandfather). So in a way he was lucky to have him around i.e. when he was actually around.

His dad wasn’t even so bad either from an outsider’s point of view. He had friends, like real friends, friends you can call up any time, an amazing personality, a well maintained body even at 60, a healthy lifestyle & not to mention religion, he had that covered too. But he hated him – at least one side of him did.

He did know where to start – somehow every failure in his boils down to the fact that IF his dad around he would have been able to face/handle in a better way. He wasn’t around during the most important time of his life. He was too busy having fun. He is not implying his mother didn’t do a good job raising him. She did an amazing job. He owed everything in his life to her. But his dad – that was another story, where was he when the kids in his school asked about him and every six months he had to tell a different story about his dad oblivious to the fact that not all of them forget that six months ago he was an engineer and now he is a doctor. Where was he when that pathan down the streets continuously took advantage of him because he did not knew what they were doing but it felt wrong, no wonder that one time his brother was with him, he abandoned him asap. Where was he when that carpenter did the same. Where was he when that elder guy in the class lead him to wrong things. He should have been there, it shouldn’t have been the uncle but the dad to tell them things, things about how to lead a life, what to do, what no to do but no, he was too busy with drugs. He should have beaten him and took him to mosque, he should have taken matters in which his mother was helpless into his own hands and taught him what was right and what was not. He should have realized that he was spending more time alone and asked him what was wrong but he wasn’t and now that they are all grown up all broken and mended, he was here, the way he always is, taking off whenever he felt like it & coming back whenever he felt like it.

He should have been around, HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN and if he wasn’t that doesn’t give him any right to tell them now what is right and what isn’t and which habits they should abandon and which ones should they keep. Anyway he will be here soon, acting like nothing is changed, doing the things he usually does. At least not in this lifetime.

Just-one-of-those-games

It was one of those days – days on which he hated football. Okay that did not come out right. He did not hate the game, he hated his inability to be good at it.

It didn’t make sense. When he didn’t care about the opinion of others, he was good at it. Like really good. The type of good where you can go through the entire week just cherishing those memories you made during one football game. That alone would fuel him to the next weekend. It was never one feeling, it was a bunch of a them

1. That perfect 1-2
2. That perfect low ground cross
3. That perfect dribble
4. That perfect long range shot right in the corner of the goal
5. That perfect chip

But when it didn’t, it didn’t. On the sucky days – usually everything goes wrong. On those days he subconsciously placed himself on parts of the pitch where he would be least likely to receive the ball, why? Because he didn’t want to make any mistakes. Not to mention the jeering from the substitutes. If only he could block out who to hear and who not to. The problem was – no matter where you would go, you are bound to receive the ball after each minute. That is the beauty of 5 a side futsal.

Maybe he was arrogant. Like not him, this other self, the one that came out before every match. Judging people based on their pre-match routines & telling him, its a-okay. You got this. These guys having nothing on you. You will school them like no problem but only one failed shot or one wrong remark or even a failed pass, all that confidence and self-esteem would come tumbling down & the self who had placed it would disappear only to be replaced by his usual self. The one that self doubted each and every action of him.

I missed you

That’s all he wanted to tell her. Those three words but he wanted to wait for it. Wait for what you may ask? The fact of the matter is that he didn’t know that himself. Maybe it  was for that perfect moment that never comes.

So he didn’t, he held on those three because he wasn’t sure, as usual. He wasn’t sure why he missed her. This feeling it wasn’t strange but it was one that he discarded every time over the last few years. Nothing good ever comes out of these anyway.